(1939-01-13) Swan Song
Details for Swan Song
Summary: Esther reflects. Is she really a swan? Or an entirely different kind of duck?
Date: 1939-01-13

The text on this piece of parchment has blurred, run together, and shifted to form all new letters and words, none of which make any sense.

Starting off with Anthony. I finally met him - In the broom closet. And then Lucretia locked us in together… Which there will DEFINITELY be an answer for. I… I think back to what Medusa said. They give us potions, poultices, heal the wounds on the outside and send us back without a thought for how deep the wound is on the inside. Anthony and Variel might be back, but they're not 'back.' The light in their eyes took the brunt of the spell, their naivety all but destroyed. Variel at least smiles. Anthony… Well, Anthony looks like the spell killed him, and he was just brought back for no reasons.

I've made him a deal. He finds a real smile, and I'll paint him a portrait. The first one I've really ever done, which should be interesting.

Not sure how I feel about today. I met Variel for a fitting in the Exam room, and I have no idea what the hell happened next. He was a little close, but I guess I didn't expect things to go the way they did. I took of my skirt (Yes, I wear shorts, diary), to make his measurements easier, and not too long after, he was measuring my hips, and then… Not measuring anymore. Before his hands could go too far, I had to clarify that we were friends - Nothing could happen. He was so nice, so awkward about the entire thing afterwards that I couldn't have held it against him if I tried - Even though I was certain I'd mentioned Myrus pretty early in the peace.

First Gresham; who made me want to melt, hug him and give myself to him immediately. I have /never/ heard anything half as romantic. Then Zayn; who took my breath away, who makes me feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy when I'm around him. So charming. So /attractive/. Now Variel; so sweet, but slightly damaged. The perfect balance of gentleman and rogue… (Others who are just virulent flirts who stare don't get included or considered). I'm left wondering what the hell is going on — I guess all the attractive women aren't available, and I'm playing second/third/fourth best.

He said - Variel, said, that I was delicate. Angles, more pleasant than rounded curves. He… He touched me. I still don't know how to feel about that. I grabbed his wrist, to stop him, to ask him what was happening… And he asked if my heart was to belong to Myrus, what of the rest of me.

Merlin. My heart thumps just thinking about it. Things with Variel are not EVER going to be the same now. Even if he's put himself in a very precarious position. I just need to work out if it's one that is worth using - Or if the friendship we had could actually be brought back.

I'm not a duckling, not a swan. I'm a different kind of thing. Beautiful(?), and terrible.

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