| Details for Jan 15, 1939 |
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I think…
I think there's too much sadness in the air. I can see it, where it's effecting people. All for different reasons, but sometimes I wonder if it's not like smoke or fog and it just creeps in and hangs on, like a wandering vine that takes up root where it's given room to grow. It seems to be as persistent in its travels.
And I've upset people again, the ones that were picking on those poor lower classmen. But it's cruel, turning people into birds just because they wanted to run about with horns. It's cruel picking on people period but I think it's that viney darkness again, creeping in to make people angry or sad. Some people it seems like it suffocates, like poor Varvar and Syly and Uly too sometimes, if I'm honest. He loses so much, trying to take care of the rest of us and he works so hard. And I know there's things he doesn't tell us when he worries because I can see it in his eyes.
I wonder that other people don't feel it, the sadness, I mean, from those around them. I guess I just don't understand how anyone could look at someone else and see them suffering and want to go out of their way to help. Doesn't it hurt? It hurts me to see it. I don't think anyone realizes that, either. It's why I've tried to help. Why I'll always try. I think Uly might. Maybe Tartar. I think that's why they protect me.
Maybe I should write a book, I seem to be getting good at a get happy speech, but it works. Finding the happy thoughts. Looking for the light instead of the dark. I hope that Varvar gets past his pain. I hope it doesn't turn into something that consumes him. I hope he finds the light again and that Syly learns to look past the dark. Why are people so surprised at hugs? What's happened to the world that kindness draws such suspicion. When did it get easier to believe that people are out to get you and hurt you, rather than stand by your side.
I think it must be the darkness again. I think that must be some sign that its winning. I hope not though. As long as there's light, there's hope.
In between the pages there was pressed a small blue paper bird.
Dora's Four Step Recipe to a Happy Day:
1. Think about your favorite thing about waking up. Things, not people. Happiness can not be dependent on a person.
2. Repeat step one for each section of your day and the day must be thought about in sections, rather than as a whole. As a whole, the weight can become oppressing.
3. Look for five new things, every day that make you smile. Start a list. Add to it. Re-read before bed each night.
4. Repeat daily.
Today's List.
1. Mokes. They're the most adorable little lizards that can shrink at will.
2. Chocolate chip pancakes.
3. Thinking about getting to see the world through greenblack water, filtered with sunshine.
4. Penseverus as a bird.
5. Varvar and Syly both smiled.
6. Uly didn't run anyone off!