(1939-01-18) Jan 18
Details for Jan 18
Summary: Dora's reflections on the…thing that was Art Club, the formation of the Book Club and the disaster that happened there.
Date: January 18th, 1939
Related: Arts Club, Book Club, Fight Club, After the Arts Club

I don't even know where to start with today. Honest, I don't. It was…today was not normal. Not by any means, not at all. Not even a smidge.

Everything was fine and perfectly normal and good and I was going to the Art Club and happened to run across Syly on the way and I had no idea that he could be so artsy! I should have, perhaps, there is that spark of tenderness in which, which I suppose in my head also somehow equates to art but I still didn't know and he wasn't a member of the club, though I'm hoping to talk him into it. Maybe. If he'll join now. I don't know that if I wasn't a member myself I'd join now, after today.

Everything was fine!

Well and good and perfectly fine and Adam and Madeline were chattering and Syly had given over his collection of chocolate frog cards and Bran had been developing some film and then Tarquin came and we were talking about books and then the next thing I knew, I was actually suggesting a club, which is not something that I ever in a million years thought that I would do or could do because just…people, so many people.

I get nervous, in front of crowds sometimes or when too many people notice me all at once but…but I did it. I did it and there's no taking it back now and I'm going to try, really very super hard, to make sure that it stays fun and interesting for everybody. I have lots of ideas. So many ideas.

I've written to Dillorous Diderot, for one and I have a list of other people all in various but interesting aspects of the literary world that I want to see about inviting and I still have to talk to the Headmaster to see if we can have guest speakers on the grounds or if I need to find some way to make it up to the younger ones, if we can't and just set up the meetings for those weekends that the rest of us can go into Hogsmeade and I'm thinking of events! Like costume contests where people can dress as their favorite characters from books and just, all sorts of things! It's going to be fun and wonderful and I wish, I really really wish that the night could have just ended on a high note with me all fluttery and nervous because of just the book club instead of what happened.

But what happened..was an absolute mess. Elric was Elric, only I don't think he really realized who Alphard Black is and just, there was…a thing and Alphard was…not happy and then, then he tried to hit my brother! Right there! In a room full of poeple and I know that Elric's a little capricious and I'm not sure if he did it on purpose and I felt absolutely terrible, having to tell him to apologize but Alphard is such a…well…he's a bully. There. I said it. On paper. But that feels like such a terrible thing to say about somebody.

I think he just needs a hug. Anyone would be ruffled if they were embarrassed and I'm pretty sure he was in all that pink but I don't think that it was worth hitting somebody over. I think, well maybe he's just lonely, because everyone thinks he's a bully and he just needs some friends who don't but I have absolutely no idea how to go about being that boy's friend. In all of the classes we share, mostly I just about pretending to be invisible, truth be told.

And Tartar! I couldn't believe it. He almost dumped me in the floor he stood up so quick in defense of Elric…and I think somehow in defense of me. But he was there, he was present and he helped…he helped make things okay and he made me feel safe. I think he would have hit Alphard or spelled him or something he was so tense but I didn't want anyone coming to blows. That wouldn't have been good at all.

That's…that's why I apologized. I think, I think that's why I guess I sort of..owe him, only I don't know he backed down because of that and it's forgotten about, I hope it is, or if it was because I promised not to tell the Prefects that he was going to attack somebody. He scares me, just a little.

Even Silas stood up for Elric. He barely knows me and I don't think that he knows Elric at all but…he was there. He was there and it just…I could hug him for that, if his silence hadn't also made me feel like something was wrong and then, then he asked Tarquin for permission to walk with his back towards our common room and it was the sweetest thing in the world! Bran needs hugs too.

I think I'm going to make cookies for everyone who was there, even Alphard, because just, it was such a wonderful showing of how people can be at their best, even in the face of well, looming disaster.

I wish Alphard had half the sweetness that his cousin does. Though I think she said Leoric invited us all to…town? I think…thinking back to how cozy those two were when they were star gazing that perhaps they might be a little sweet on each other and that's good, that's okay as long as no one ends up heartbroken over it. Maybe she'll help him relax and loosen up. I hope so.

I hope everything goes okay. I hope no one gets hurt. I hope Elric behaves and I hope that it all just…fades. Fades and becomes one of those memories that no one pokes at. I hope the light is so bright that it forces all the darkness away.

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