(1939-02-10) Needing To Feel Loved
Details for Needing to Feel Loved
Summary: Esther thinks about love, and the past week.
Date: 1939-02-10

The text has been obfuscated beyond all recognition, the piece of parchment left just floating around.

"Ester." Every lesson began with her name. Esther could feel her spine tingling, the fear lancing through her immediately.

"… Mother." Esther answered, her voice quivering. Not turning from her desk, from her studies. The heavy textbook on Latin occupying her mind.

"You've had feelings for a boy before, haven't you?" Wilheminia intruded into her daughter's room. Was it curiosity that provokes this little chat?

"I… No, Mother." Esther lied. It was visible on her face, though, infront of her mother.

"Not your tutor. The boy, Edwards. You wouldn't dare shame our family by muddying your lips, Ester." Wilheminia states simply. Of course she knew. Or at least, suspected. Approaching her daughter's seat, a hand placed firmly on her back. Gripping firmly, nails digging in, cruel on Esther's shoulder. "You wouldn't dare lower yourself."

"… No, Mother." Esther's cheeks burn. "Julian is romantically involved with someone else. He is my tutor. And that is the extent of our relationship."

"Good. Love is treacherous, Ester." Wilheminia murmurs. "Love cannot be trusted. You're young yet, and far too prone to trust your feelings. Far too prone to misunderstanding. You're not able to make your own decisions, are you?"

"No, Mother." Esther's answer is immediate.

"No. And one day you'll learn. But until then, you'll need someone to control you. Help you. Keep you safe. I'll be speaking with my sister - I heard you have a cousin at Hogwarts, who will prove to be a far better influence than Edwards." Black, nee Crabbe. Wilheminia had plans, already. Ester would find a good match in her cousin, surely. Away from the Lowe's, and back towards purer bloods. Esther Black; it had a lovely sound to it.

Esther Shafiq. That's… A strange sounding name. But it's what I want. It's not ALL I want. I feel immature just saying it, but… There's a part of me that craves knowing that he likes the way I look. Doesn't happen often that I feel attractive, and it's all the more special when it comes from him. We don't see too much of eachother because he's busy, but… I like that, too. It makes every moment matter. And… I'll admit, made me a bit too keen, today. I hope that doesn't drive him away.

On from Zayn, to people who make me less happy. Variel… I don't know if he's trying to help me, or manipulate me for his own ends. He nearly drove me back to that potion. I'm not a thing. I don't need to be controlled. Not anymore. I'm bigger than that. Better than that. Not his fault, though… I hope. I hope it was just… Not honesty, but. I don't know.

I also met someone more positive. Ish. The first person I've cared to trust so soon since Genevieve, although mostly to test Silas' theory. I hope she doesn't betray me. I hope she doesn't hurt me. Sybil Pyrites; you're an experiment, and a kind witch. I hope the latter never changes.

Not too much to report, really. Just that life seems to be looking up. I'm avoiding the people that would do me harm, finding people that I hope will help me. Fix what's broken, and make me into a better person.

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