| Details for An Expression of Guilt. |
| Summary: | Clover expresses a concern over a former lover, and guilt over the loss of her sister. |
| Date: | 1937-09-21 |
| Location: | — |
| Related: | None |
| Characters |
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It is Friday evening and the plan so far had been to meet Clover at home, there was going to be a nice quiet dinner, maybe some time with the girls if everything went well. But there was a last minute meeting that stood in his way between the end of his work week, and the weekend. So once Zephyr finds his way back to the office, he will find it occupied. Clover stands by the window, holding a glass in her hand having helped herself to his mini bar. She is staring out of it, but she does not seem to be looking at anything, as her eyes are just slightly out of focus as she rolls her thoughts over in her head. Her Masters robes are draped over the lounge that they so enjoy using, so she is down to a grey skirt and white blouse.
Zephyr smiles wide seeing her and he throws a file onto the desk and calls over his shoulder to Veruca, "Hold all summons, I am not to be disturbed." Then the door is closed and locked and he crosses the room to wrap his arms around her and kiss and nuzzle into her neck.
Clover does not move when she hears her husband approach, and she stands very still when he puts her arms around her. Carefully she brings the glass to her lips and sips from the fire-wiskey that is inside and sets it down on the window sill. "Marcus was admitted to St. Mungos today."
Zephyr looks more perplexed by the stillness from her, than the news. "I hope it's nothing too serious." He tries to turn her about in his arms to face him. "Did you see him? Did he apologize for what he said to you? I hope you two can make amends. I don't want you fucking. But I don't want there to be bad blood either. You deserve better than him, what he did was inexcusable."
Clover slowly turns around to face him, but she does not make eye contact, instead her gaze lingers on the wall behind Zephyr. "Perhaps." Clover says quietly. "He muttered something, but with the amount of pain relief potions he was on, I could not make it out what he said." When Zephyr mentions fucking, Clover looks from the wall to the floor. "You don't need to concern yourself with that, I don't think he will be able to do anything of that caliber again."
Zephyr reaches up to caress her cheek and then hook a finger under her chin to try and angle her face so she's looking up at him. "I love you. He's never been a concern to me. You are the only thing that concerns me. So when you've not been yourself since I came into the room, well that concerns me. You think I had something to do with this, don't you." It's not a question, it's a soft statement that carries with it a strange sense of coolness mixed with hurt that she could imagine he would do such a thing.
Clover finally turns her eyes to meet his. "I do not know what to think Zephyr." Clover says quietly, reaching up and placing her hands on his chest. "I came here to tell you of my woe, and I return home to find his entry in my book missing. That look you had in your eye.." Clover says quietly. "You are so fiercely protective, so would I put it past you to harm someone who would dare to insult me? No."
Zephyr continues to caress her cheek and look into her eyes. "Yes, I ripped it out because as far as I'm concerned you're never to contact that bastard again. I meant what I said though. I don't want there to be ill blood between you. I don't want anything so terrible for you. Civil separation would be what I want the most. I was in truth going to meet with him the other day. I wanted to talk to him man to man. But he wasn't home. So I left." He leans down to kiss her lips. "He did more than just instult he verbally battered you and made you feel unsafe. Would I kill him for doing that? Quite possibly, but only if further provoked. Because then he would prove himself to be not only one with a short temper that doesn't think before he shouts slander at another man's wife. But that he is scum with something truly loathsomely wrong with him. Did I do whatever was done that had him admitted? No. Do you believe me?"
Clover quietly listens as her husband explains himself, and once he has finished, she nods her head slowly. "Forgive me." She whispers, leaning her head forward to rest her forehead against his. "I am sorry, I do not know what is wrong with me. I haven't felt like myself since we lost Ivy." She says pulling away just enough to smooth out the non existent wrinkles in his robe. "Of course I believe you, I would be a horrible wife if I did not."
Zephyr gently manipulates her chin with a finger hooked underneath it. He lowers his face to hers to kiss her lips with the same worshipful adoring as he always does, as if there was nothing too forgive. "I miss her too. I can only imagine what you're going through. It's why I protect you so fiercely. Come now darling. Let's go home."
"I failed her Zeph." Clover murmurs quietly. "I saved her the first time, but I couldn't this time." She's about to continue to ramble on, but she stops herself, melting into the kiss and closing her eyes. "Yes.. lets go home." She pulls away from him, only to gather her things. Her robe gets flung over her arm, and her purse is thrown over her shoulder. Once that is done she'll slip her arm in his, and rests her head on his shoulder expecting to take the quick way home.
Zephyr frowns, "We will talk more when we get home." It seems he has a lot to say about that self deprecation of hers. But his office is not the place for that. So he snuggles her up against him and makes their way home finally.
Down the hall in another poshly appointed office a fair haired witch removes a mask that is a skeletal face with large faceted diamond eyes. As the young couple pass by one of Zephyr's favorite decoration pieces in his office that's a skull covered in diamonds, a 16th birthday gift from his mother, their movement is also seen in the faceted eyes of his mother's mask. Mrs. Macnair just gets a wicked little smirk to her lips and she tucks the mask away back into her desk.
Clover is quiet on the way home, obviously lost in her own thoughts. Once they reach the privacy of their new home, she sets her belongings in the closet and kicks her shoes off, leaving them by the door for the house elves to put away when they get around to it. "Wine?" She asks quietly as she slips off into the more informal sitting room, since they are not entertaining this evening. Looking though the bottles they have, she seems to be mulling over the wine, and avoiding the conversation they were having in the office.
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Zephyr shakes his head and takes her hand to draw her away from the wine. "No, I want us to both have our wits about us for this conversation darling. Now come sit with me." Once they are seated together on the love sofa he draws her legs over his lap so they can face each other more readily so he can look into her eyes. "You did /not/ fail Ivy, Clover." He starts off very strong and resolute. But then he softens to explain, "I think that Ivy made a choice, a long thought out choice. She had been ailing in some form or another for so long. I think perhaps she decided upon willfully having Donovan so that she could pass on, escape the long ailing, but leaving a treasured healthy bright piece of herself behind for us to love and enjoy. You didn't fail her. She made the choices to sacrifice herself for Don. She's still alive in him."
"But.. I.." Clover says before she is dragged away from the sweet sweet wine. She allows herself to be sat in on the sofa and her legs draped over his. She flinches when he speaks, choosing to look away and pick a the fabric of her skirt. When he finishes, she closes her eyes and leans against the back of the sofa. "I have been.." She starts before correcting herself. "Had been taking care of Ivy since I was.. fourteen? I still worry about her in the back of my mind, even though I know there is nothing to worry over." She pauses for a moment before nods. "I see your point, and I never really thought of it as her wanting to leave a piece of her behind. I just thought she was trying to rush a whole lifetime into a few years. Or it being another reckless stunt of hers." She slowly opens her eyes, and it is hard to hid that they welling up with tears. "I'm sorry that I'm so mental lately love."
Zephyr draws his wife even closer to him and wraps his arms around her and pets her hair kissing into the perfect waves of it. "Honestly I think it's another reason she did what she did. I of course never knew Ivy as well as many others did. But she never seemed like a woman that was at peace knowing all the worry she caused the people she loved. I honestly believe she knew in her heart that her time was drawing near and she wanted to leave a piece of herself behind. Knowing how well his aunt will look after him. Just like you looked after her darling. You have every right to be a touch mental darling. I often look at the picture on my desk of the two of you at the wedding and just get lost. She's with Tea Cup now, and I'm sure they are up to fabulous fun. It helped me to think that Tea was in a place where her blood purity didn't mean a thing, a place where she's free to be the magnificent soul she is. I think on Ivy in the same way now, and it helps me. I hope that it could help you?"
Clover curls up against her husband as he wraps her arm around her, and for a moment she just lays still in his arm, allowing herself to heal. "I know she did not always like me looking at her, as if I was trying to diagnose her from across the room. And I will, I will take care of him as if he is my own." She admits, and it is something she has said often. "I have one of the three of us, and she's always smiling at me. I know she was happy for me, she smiles in every picture I have of her." Nuzzling her way to his neck, she pulls herself closer. "Zephyr, I could not have gone though this with out you by my side."
Zephyr once more angles her chin to sweep her tears away giving her a strong smile. "You could have. My wife is an amazingly strong woman. But I am very glad that I was able to be here for you." A soft kiss is placed on her forehead. "Shall we eat? Whatever it is you would like. How about Sushi in Tokyo? Or Cochinita Pibil in Yucata? Anything Mrs. Clover Macnair wants." He can't bring Ivy back, but he can treat her to every other desire she might have.
"Perhaps, but I would not have enjoyed it near as much had I been alone." Clover says quietly as she settled in further in her husbands arms. Thinking it over, of all of the possible places they could go, and the fabulous food they can eat. "I would like pasta. Right here. No formal dinning, just.. pasta, and us. I really do not want to move."
Zephyr nods his head and kisses her. "Then Pasta here at home it is. He calls for one of their house-elves and puts the order for dinner in. The elf conjures up a table for them and soon enough after a little time spent cuddling there's a pasta feast on the table, 5 different sorts of pasta, and 8 different sauces to be poured on however much as desired, with lemon wedges and parmesan cheese on the side if desired too.
"Thank you darling." Clover whispers as she waits for the food to arrive, flicking her wand toward the fireplace to get a proper fire going. Once the food arrives, she carefully selects a plate of angel hair pasta and puts a bit of alfredo sauce on top, with an extra helping of cheese. Unhealthy? Just a bit, but it is comfort food.