| Details for Making Points and Losing Points |
| Summary: | Esther and Variel make things clearer to one another, and the confession that she makes is clarified further when Zayn arrives, and takes yet MORE points from the girl he claims to be obsessed with. |
| Date: | 1939-01-21 |
| Location: | Castle Roof, East Parapets, Hogwarts |
| Related: | — |
| Characters |
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Esther's nimble fingers manage to slide the slim case in her pocket open, ease out a slim cigarette, and close it again all with one hand, while it's in her pocket. It's eased to her lips, followed by a tap of her wand and a simple word, "Incendio." Causing the tip to light. She draws upon it toe ensure it's well lit, the end establishing a nice little ember, and then inhales slowly. Deeply. Her eyes pass over the vista spread out before her, arms protectively hugging herself while the snow falls all around. It's well before dinner, so it's not like she's short of time. She's probably going to spend the entire 'pre-dinner' period up here.
"Flagrate." The words are in a familiar voice, and leave Esther standing next to a pleasantly warm ball of scribbled fire. The owner of the voice and his crop of red hair arrive a moment later, hands tucking back into his robe to keep warm. He doesn't seem inclined to say much just now, but he was kind enough to give her a heat source.
The girl doesn't jump at the spell, although a gentle twitch of her wrist allows her wand to slide into her hand. Instear, she exhales slowly, and sighs with it. The smoke vibrant, in the chilled air. The flame is enjoyable, firelight flickering over her pale far. The Hair doesn't bother with a hood, either. Her bountiful hair doesn't seem to catch much in the way of snowdrift at all.
Variel stands in silence for a long few moments before he speaks. "I have a habit of priming people to believe the worst about me, Esther. You were just expressing concern for our friend- I took it personally. You didn't do anything to deserve the sort of animosity I've been aiming at you. I apologize." His eyes are on the distance while he speaks.
Esther slowly shrugs, and lifts the cigarette to her lips again. Drawing, and inhaling before she speaks. "… I went on the attack, Variel. There's no sugar coating it. I might not believe you, but it's unkind to call you on it. So I'm sorry for that too. But Elizabeth's happiness matters far more to me than you might think." The girl turns to face him. "And you're right. I've lost my ability to trust people. Because I've learned that so many people will tell me anything in order to get what they want, and then throw me aside."
"It matters to me, too- it just matters less now than her being well enough to -be- happy later." Variel moves around the flame, then, to stand next to Esther without the spell hanging between them. "And I can relate to being angry over feeling like someone might be abusing Elizabeth. When I calmed down enough to think about it, I realized I'd have roughly the same reaction. I'm just getting tired of people treating me like I'm intentionally being the most horrible person I can manage when I try to do right by my friends." The redhead glances sideways at the brunette. "… we -are- still friends. Right?"
"Because what's right by one person isn't right by another. You've explained where you're coming from. I've shied away from someone from fear before, and they 'still' got hurt. Only I wasn't in a position to help them, then. I'm still not." Esther shakes her head. "I'm never going to understand your position on it. But… I guess I can only accept that you think it's right by you. As for us… I'd like to be friends. It… Matters to me. But how can I figure out whether you want something from me?" One arm is still wrapped around herself.
"That's easy- I do. I've been pretty open about it. But it isn't something you're interested in sharing, and unless that changes, it's not really an issue. Even if that -does- change, it gives me -more- reason to be your friend, not less." Variel turns to her, looking puzzled. "There's a difference between people wanting something from you and wanting to use you for something you have. Nobody says you have to give me what I want, and I've got no reason to abandon you even if I get it. What makes you think otherwise?"
"Other people." Esther answers simply. "People who've taken what they wanted, got what they needed from me, and left me when it suited them." The girl draws upon her cigarette again. "People for whom I'm a function. A means unto an end. I don't know if you've ever been /used/ before, Variel, but…" A sigh, "But it's the least pleasant experience. When it comes to friends - Real friends - I need someone who I can trust with my thoughts and feelings, someone who can know and accept all about me and not use it for their own gain."
Variel steps in behind Esther and gives her another gentle source of warmth- his arms around her middle. "Esther- I walked away from a relationship I was perfectly happy with because it was going to be dangerous for the person I was with. I wasn't willing to sacrifice her safety for my happiness- I chose the other way around. I chose her over me. If I was looking to use you, I've had opportunities to do so. I haven't."
"If we're not safe here, Variel, we never will be." Esther exhales slowly, finding the hands soothing. "I… I'd have you as a friend, Variel… But never anything more. My heart simply… Doesn't reach for you in that way. I'm still learning how to listen to it, but… I think that's what it's trying to tell me." With a final drag, the cigarette is flickedaway.
"I don't think we -are- safe here, no more than anywhere else. Rules do not safety make." Variel gives Esther his attention while she speaks, gently tightening his arms around her. "Esther, it's fine. I told you before, I've got no interest in pulling you away from Myrus. I'd like to be closer than friends, but not at cost to you."
"'m already pulled away from Myrus." Esther murmurs, softly. "… I just… Haven't told him yet." The girl responds to the hug warmly, with a soulful sigh. "By someone who doesn't need to love me… Doesn't have the same historical feelings to confuse him… Has every reason, and every ability to walk away… And doesn't… We kissed, last night." That's one hell of a confession to someone who isn't a friend. It clarifies where they are, though.
Variel pauses while he listens, shifting his arms more firmly around her when she responds positively to the gesture, and laughs again, the same vaguely self-deprecating laugh he'd given when she'd reminded him she was with someone. "I see!" The laugh quiets and devolves into a soft, almost amused sigh. "Suppose I should have leaned more rogue than gentleman." There's a quiet moment, then a soft, "Maybe it'll open things up for Elizabeth again."
"… I don't want it to." Esther admits, "And… Variel, you're sweet, kind, and cute… But you're not my mate." 'Mate' as in lifemate. "I don't know if I need someone to light the fire with me, help control the flame, or just fix the part of me that wants to set it all to light, but… That's not who you are." Her smile is a little bit forced, "For Myrus and Elizabeth… I don't want her to be someone's second choice. I don't want her to wait for find happiness. There's a great guy who is interested in her, after all."
This time Variel's sigh -is- amused, gently so. "I feel like we're having two entirely different conversations, Esther. But it's fine, they're not… entirely at odds with each other. You're telling me something I already know." He leans around a touch without removing his arms, enough to peer at her directly. "You just told me you've got a new boyfriend, and I wasn't trying to take you from your old one. Nothing's really changed here. There's still things I'd like from you, and we're still going to be friends whether you share them or not. You don't have to convince me I'm not your, ah. Mate. I don't think either of us is confused about that."
"… Thank you." Esther reaches into her pocket, that delicate, subtle manoveur to transfer a cigarette from holder, to mouth. It's not an entirely fair description. She hasn't /told/ Myrus it's over, yet. "Just… Don't tell him, until I get a chance to. And please. Consider how you'd feel in Elizabeth's place. I can't /make/ your priorities change, but maybe, if I can learn to trust a little more, maybe you can see the darkness a bit less."
Variel moves to adjust for her claiming a cigarette, slipping his arms around her firmly once more. "I'm not a gossip, Esther. I don't share other people's business, and this definitely isn't mine. As far as seeing the darkness less… it'll be along your lines. You'll trust more as you're betrayed less. I'll see less darkness the longer I go without seeing more of it."
Esther and Variel are standing beside a rolling ball of fire - Although the girl pulls away from her friend's hug so she can raise her wand to her face, a whispered 'Incendio' causing her cigarette end to combust again. It's stress related, clearly. A satisfying draw, before she exhales pleasantly. "Good. I was going to save it until we're at Hogsmeade, next… I think he deserves a chance to express himself." And she'll deserve any consequences her actions bring.
Crunch Crunch Crucnh, the foot falls of Zayn are far from being quiet as he makes his way across the East Parapet. As always his uniform is complete and perfect, everything in it's proper place, including his scarf. However snowflakes seem to desire to cling to his uniform, causing him to bring his hand up now and again to brush the flakes off. Spotting individuals ahead, his hand moves up in a simple greeting, before, "Lowe, Weasley." is offering quietly.
Esther looks perfect, in her own way - Uniform crisp and clean, with her bountiful hair out - Snow seems to tumble off those long strands though, giving more weight to the rumours of it's magical nature. When she hears Zayn, she immediately pulls the cigarette from her lips, her fingers cupping around it, pointing it straight up in an attempt to hide it. She's not so good at it though, and the ember touches her sensitive palm - Causing the young woman to yelp instead of greet the prefect, the slim cigarette falling from her hand. Her first reaction is to firmly step it into the ground, and keep her foot upon it, before she looks up at Zayn again, blushing. "Zayn…" Ouch. Stings.
Esther and Variel are standing beside a rolling ball of fire - Although the girl pulls away from her friend's hug so she can raise her wand to her face, a whispered 'Incendio' causing her cigarette end to combust again. It's stress related, clearly. A satisfying draw, before she exhales pleasantly. "Good. I was going to save it until we're at Hogsmeade, next… I think he deserves a chance to express himself." And she'll deserve any consequences her actions bring.
Crunch Crunch Crucnh, the foot falls of Zayn are far from being quiet as he makes his way across the East Parapet. As always his uniform is complete and perfect, everything in it's proper place, including his scarf. However snowflakes seem to desire to cling to his uniform, causing him to bring his hand up now and again to brush the flakes off. Spotting individuals ahead, his hand moves up in a simple greeting, before, "Lowe, Weasley." is offering quietly.
Esther looks perfect, in her own way - Uniform crisp and clean, with her bountiful hair out - Snow seems to tumble off those long strands though, giving more weight to the rumours of it's magical nature. When she hears Zayn, she immediately pulls the cigarette from her lips, her fingers cupping around it, pointing it straight up in an attempt to hide it. She's not so good at it though, and the ember touches her sensitive palm - Causing the young woman to yelp instead of greet the prefect, the slim cigarette falling from her hand. Her first reaction is to firmly step it into the ground, and keep her foot upon it, before she looks up at Zayn again, blushing. "Zayn…" Ouch. Stings.
Zayn watches the scene his hand moving through his hair slowly, with a obviously frustrated sigh. "Esther, really?" he says as he gets closer, his gaze moving across her and the cigarette. "Is your hand okay?" he asks a bit of concern in his tone, tough his hand extends out in a beckoning motion, "The pack, Lowe." he says stiffly, "Esther Lowe, Ten Points from Slytherin, for consumption on tobacco products on Hogwarts grounds." he says nodding, as he waits for the contraband, though he continues "I can't promise that the Professors will not remove more points either." he says nodding.
Esther looks… Well, the blush, and the sore hand clearly aren't enough. "… I… yes, Zayn." She pouts a little bit, and steps a little bit closer to him, withdrawing the slim metal case from her pocket, and offering it to the prefect. "Wasn't going to tell you about that…" She murmurs to him, gently pressing the container to his hands, her fingers outstretched. The small burn throbs, but it's ignored, her fingers stroking the heel of this hand, and his fingers as she pulls away. "That's… One new thing you've learned about me already." Her voice soft. Low.
Zayn opens the case and removes the cigarettes, handing the metal case back to Esther, before bending down and picking up the dropped cigarette, they end up in his robes and he runs his hand through his hair slowly, "That's that." he says, his hand beckoning towards Esther, "Also Weasley, your presence will be noted in my report." he says with a small shrug, "Now let me see your hand, Esther." he says slowly, his voice soft and pleasant again, his hand removing his handkerchief from his robes, "Pfft, I don't care if you smoke, I only care if you smoke on School Grounds." he says nodding slowly.
Variel watches quietly, amusement growing on his features. It's not vindictive amusement at Esther getting caught- it's a touch more esoteric than that, leaving him with his hands tucked into his pockets as he watches the two interact. The tone of Esther's voice clinches it, and he goes from a smile to a grin as he returns Zayn's greeting belatedly. "Shafiq- that's fine. I haven't smoked a day in my life, just kept a couple people company while they did. Do make sure Lowe doesn't do anything else rash, mm?" The redhead starts for the stairs to head back inside, calling over his shoulder- "I'll make sure to mention the chill winds to anyone I run into on the way down!"
"I /expect/ you to punish me, should you catch me." Esther adds quietly, holding out her hand. Palm up, the little reddening dot showing where the ember touched her. She turns, and calls to Variel. "Take care, Variel." Her eyes dart back to Zayn, and she smiles to the prefect. "I… I like that." She admits softly. Looking at him, affectionately.
Zayn nods slowly, "I never sated you had been smoking, simply that your presence here would be noted, so that you are not surprised later if you are asked about the incident. Take care Weasley." he says offering him a small nod, before his hand takes hers and he softly dips the handkerchief in the snow, padding at the small burn, "Well I was entrusted with a position and am more concerned with it, then popularity, many do not seem to understand that." he says still patting her hand.
"Popularity be damned." Once Variel is out of sight, Esther slides in a moment later, and gently steps in to wrap an arm around him, while he gently begins to treat her burn. "I'm capable of respecting that. How are you?" It's been less than twenty four hours since they parted ways, after all. And Esther's mind is still reeling from the night before - And the conversation with Medusa that followed. "I mean… What's been on your mind?"
Zayn continues to dab the burn, his eyes on it. "I have been well enough, classes were okay today." he says turning her hand slightly, inspecting it. "You know very well that you have been on my mind Esther Lowe." he says looking up at her meeting her eyes. "What has been on your mind?" he asks curiously.
"Zayn Shafiq." Esther answers, matching his stare. She seems less unreadable, more vulnerable when she looks at him. All her mysteries are for him to find out, now, after all - And she'll not deny him them, unless she has no choice. "I… I enjoy hearing that you're thinking about me. Makes me feel like I'm not making a poor decision." She smiles, a little. "… Medusa saw us saying goodnight."
Zayn nods slowly, "And how is Malfoy?" he asks curiously, returning his soiled handkerchief to his robes, "Of course I have had you on my mind." he says nodding slowly, his hand moving through his hair again with a deep sigh, "Curious what your mind is going to say after it has had time to think about what you are doing." he says with another slow nod, "I of course, seriously want you to think about your actions, Esther." he continues.
"Is that Zayn, telling me that he wants me to consider what I did, or is that Prefect Shafiq, telling me not to break more rules?" Esther teases, knowing the answer already. "I've thought. Long. And hard. I know what my heart wants, Zayn… And that's why I'm afraid." The question about Malfoy is completely ignored, she doesn't seem to be the biggest thin on Esther's mind right now. "I'm afraid because I want you. Because I love you. I want to know where we could go, what we could be to eachother. And I'm afraid that I've committed to ending things with Myrus, in my heart, to see what happens for my feelings for you." Her burned hand is gently laid against his cheek. "… But that's what I've chosen."
"Both." Zayn says with a small nod, not touching on the lack of a comment on Malfoy, "And if you choose wrong?" he asks curiously, "If Myrus is right and this is all some evil ploy?" he asks curiously, "It wasn't my intent to come between you two." he says with a sigh and shaking his head, "I think I would have been rather obvious about it, if it was my intent." he continues his hand moving and running through his hair, obviously this has become habit. "He will not see it like that you know." he continues.
"I don't care how he see's it." Esther states simply. "And… I know you're being genuine… But there's so much that can go wrong. You're a pacifist… I'm… Well, not." She smiles, "I couldn't be less of one. And as you know… I'm clearly someone who breaks the rules, every now and then. I don't doubt that you love me, now… But it terrifies me when I think of whether you'll love me tomorrow." She reaches up, stealing his hand into one of hers, and just holding it warmly.
Zayn nods and doesn't say anything for a long moment, he just holds her hand tightly. "Well the concern for others are natural for me." he says softly with a slow nod, clearly speaking about Myrus, "It was not my intent to hurt him." he continues. "As far as you, Esther Lowe, do you think I have some preconceived notion of a perfect Esther?" he asks curiously, "Because I don't, I know and understand that you and I are both flawed in our own ways and that we have a differing view on various things." he says with a small shrug, "That is one thing that I love about you, about us." he continues with another nod.
How the hell does he disarm her so easily? It's like he can put a finger on her concerns, and solve them so easily. "I… You're…" She blushes, and takes a slow breath. "I was worried that you'd fallen for the idea of me… But once again, you've put my mind at ease, and given me cause to smile." She leans up, touching a gentle kiss to his lips. "Now, unless you're going to give one of my cigarettes back, we should probably head back inside. I'm liable to freeze, if I'm out here much longer." Teasing, of course.
Zayn nods slowly, returning the gentle kiss. "You worry too much Esther Lowe." he says with a small nod, moving to lead her off the Parapet, "Come now, you know you are going to already get in more trouble then what I provided, for the cigarette." he says gesturing her to follow, "Professor Slughorn will not be content." he continues as he moves to lead her out.
Esther smiles,"I know." She states simply, "And I guessed, but… Hopefully it won't hurt too much. Otherwise you'll have to come save me." Walking off with him;