| Details for S'agapo |
| Summary: | Silas comes across the recently-minted MorgAiden couple, talks with them a while, and once alone, Silas and Morgana cement the definition of their own friendship. |
| Date: | 05 February. 1939 |
| Location: | Chamber of Reception — Hogwarts |
| Related: | — |
| Characters |
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Note: As seems to be the case lately, this log comes in at the middle of an existant scene. Players can prepend as needed.
"Well yes, it does. I'm sure with time that will change. Unless you have some other title for me." Morgana pauses, remembering the other nicknames he's used already. "Pre-approved titles that is." Morgana and Kaiden are sitting on a bench in the Welcome Room, quietly chatting with each other. "I think we're doing fine as we are right now, and you're not rushing anything you've been gentlemanly." Clearing her throat she nods her head. "Well, I will gladly give them, when you earn them.. if you want them that is."
It's far too cold to be walking outdoors, at least not until he can get the enchantments on his winter robes renewed, but that doesn't mean there aren't other places he can wander. His bag over his shoulder, filled with implements, it's clear he's looking for a place to draw, and he hasn't used this chamber in ages. As he enters the Welcome Room, though, he sees the two, and pauses, quite suddenly red-faced.
"How about Romantic Interest Girl?" asks Kaiden with a grin before nudging her softly. To her final statement, he'll give a nod, saying, "I quite like them, so keep them coming." As Silas enters, Kaiden will give the boy a nod, saying, "Afternoon."
Morgana gives Kaiden that look she gives him when she disapproves of a name. "There's always Tsarevna, since you are so determined to be a Knight." Shaking her head she nods. "I will, when you earn them." When she spots Silas she gives him a smile and a wave. "Sy! I see you've been out and about. Kaiden, this is a good friend of mine, he's also a bit of an artist as well."
"R.I.G.? You're going to call her 'Rig'?" The sixth-year Slytherin boy asks, a light grin on his face as he overhears that title. He then recalls that he's interrupting something, and is about to excuse himself, when Morgana calls out to him, "Well met, Ana."
He offers a light grin to her, and a nod to Kaiden, "I'm familiar with Mister Sykes here," he notes, "Although more through my familiarity with Ria than anything else." A look is given back to Kaiden, "Although it's always a pleasure."
Kaiden offers a warm smile and a nod to Silas, "The pleasure is mine, I'm sure." He crosses one leg over the other and rests his hands on his knee, tilting his head, "An artist, then? What's your medium?"
"Such formality today Sy." Morgana says with a shake of her head, and when Kaiden doesn't respond to her choice of nick name, she figures that one is rejected as well. Leaning back on the bench a bit she looks between the two, and seems happy, for the moment, to let the two boys talk shop.
There's a moment of sparking in Silas' eye as Morgana calls him out on the formality, and his tongue touches his upper lip through a grin as he responds, "Well, Ana… I thought that a bit more respectful of Sykes here than to just take you up in my arms and spin you about." From the looks of the thin boy, that might take some doing. "But I'll take an embrace at least if one's in the offering."
He then looks back to Kaiden. "Pencil, charcoal, and quill. On both parchment and canvas as appropriate, although with the quill only recently. I've been hard pressed to find good artisan's ink in Hogsmeade that wasn't either watered down scholastic ink or prohibitively expensive, so it's only recently I've been able to take it up. Yourself?"
Kaiden offers Silas a smile and says, "I tend to stick to charcoal and pencil, myself. I've started branching out into watercolor a little bit, though. I'd very much like to end up making those moving portraits like the ones we have in the halls."
"I suppose." Morgana says to Sy, as she stands to give him a quick hug. "You're awfully affectionate lately, you're not trying to steal me away already are you?" She teases lightly, before rejoining Kaiden on the bench. "You don't have to be so formal, I give you permission." She says, lightly putting her head on Kaiden's shoulder before she responds. "I'm sure that takes a lot of work.. do you think it's in the paint? My grandmother does photography, but hasn't worked with any other sort of medium."
There's a laugh that comes, even as Morgana offers him the hug, and he returns it, as she asks her question, "No, Ana. Still not trying to steal you away. Especially not when circumstances suggest that someone may be trying to steal me back." A confession? Perhaps."I just realize that I need to be more affectionate with all of my friends. A few weeks without much human contact made me a bit… restless."
And again he looks to Kaiden, "I've considered it… and would love to see it done even with my ink drawings, but the charms involved…" He smiles, "I wish you luck at it."
Kaiden looks over to Morgana with a smile as she rests her head on his shoulder. He leans back against the wall and sighs happily, listening to Silas, "Yeah, they're not easy; I tell you that." Perhaps Kaiden was pouring over that book for something more than just a little extra reading.
Upon hearing Silas' theory about someone stealing him back, she slowly raises her brow and removes her head from Kaiden's shoulder. "You can't seriously be thinking of allowing her to do so. Not after the way she treated you." She says in a stern and slightly protective voice. "You must be very restless." Shaking her head she'll look back to Kaiden. "Is that what you're trying to research, I could find information on that for you." She doesn't have it in her personal collection because… she doesn't have a use for it.
Silas looks at Morgana with just a touch of hurt at that, although he shakes it aside. The answer he wants to give, swallowed fully out of deference to Kaiden, "Despite all that was done, by both of us, yes." He admits instead, finding his own seat. "I can't dismiss the fact that I still love her, Ana. And that perhaps, this time…" A soft smile. And then there's the other conversation, so he lets the topic slide away.
Kaiden smiles at Morgana and says, "That would be a great help." He rubs her shoulder softly and says, "I think I'm gonna go see what my badgers are up to. I'll see you at dinner, yeah?"
"I'll see you then." Morgana replies and she even goes as far as to leave a kiss on his cheek. "I'll have your books for you as well." Kaiden may have bitten off more than he can chew with that request. However, with her boyfriend leaving she turns back to Silas and raises her brow. "Be that as it may Sy, I find it hard to believe that she suddenly started feeling… what was it.. a flame with you? I don't want her toying with you."
"Don't get into any trouble, yeah?" He smile and gives Morgana a kiss on the cheek in return as plucks up his charms textbook. A polite smile and nod are offered to Silas as he slips past him.
Morgana has reconnected.
Another nod is given to Kaiden as the boy moves to leave. "No trouble at all possible here. She'd deduct the points from both of us," Silas responds back to him with a smile. Then, he's looking back at Morgana, nodding, "I know. I know. It's… hard to explain. It's not like that. I don't even know what it /is/ yet…" But the end result had been exhilarating, at least in his mind. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. To find out it was just a one time thing. That it was a fun dip in the past. I don't /know/."
And there's frustration there as he throws himself back don on one of the stone benches. "Part of me wonders if she realized the flame came from a near-dead cinder… that what we had was more stable. More /real/. Or perhaps she was just hurting and reach back to what was safe." He sighs, "All I know is I went for that walk after we talked, and I found her, and she was hurting, and I… she needed me. And so I was there. And now, suddenly my best friend is back and I feel loved and…"
A pause again. "I may be a fool… but I want to give myself a chance. You know?"
"Not possible, I only get in trouble with you." Morgana says sweetly to Kaiden before he leaves. However that smile falls just a bit when she gets back to the other conversation. "Is it so hard to explain? It's me Sy, you can explain it. Because my assumption is, her new flame burned out, and she's going back to what is safe?" Lowering her head, she shakes it before she speaks. "Sy, I'm worried that she's just going to do this to you again, once she finds someone else who excites her."
Silas frowns, "Of course it's possible, Ana. I know this. And there are facts that I can't exactly go into. They're not mine to give. But… she was hurt… and I came to her. She didn't come to me. I held her. Of my own will. And…" He leans back against the cold wall, "Sure, there's a massive 'what if' hanging over my head… but it's there always? What it… what it…"
He looks back at her, "I know the what if's you deal with. With both Kaiden… and before. But if we avoid them… when will we ever find happiness, Ana? Sure, she could crush my heart yet again, and it will be my fault for letting it happen. But I also now know it could come. What if… waiting and assuming the worst means I don't give /her/ the chance to see what I'm worth? What if.. my hesitation pushes away someone who genuinely loves me?"
And then the hardest question of all, "What if… she's the only one who will?" A smile, a wicked one follows that. "They're all the wrong question. In the end, the only one worth asking is: am I willing to risk it? And for her? Yes."
Morgana listens to Silas as he pleads his case. For several moments she mulls over his words, trying to decide what she is going to say to him. Finally she sighs. "First off Silas, there is only way that there is only one other person in the world that will love you. If you think of her like that, than you might actually not see someone else standing right in front of you, ready to make you the most important person in their life." Which sounds like something Morgana herself had to learn. His last words cause her to frown. "I have a feeling that my words are not going to sway you. Honestly, I should just change my middle name to Cassandra."
Silas is quiet, "I said they were the wrong questions, Morgana. They are the ones that flit through the mind… but they're not the right ones." He then looks at her, "I'm willing to risk that she's going to hurt me, yes. Because I think it right. Would you have me simply throw it away, because she might?"
"They're important questions, even if you believe them to be wrong." Morgana begins, shaking her head at him. "As I said, my words are not going to sway you, because you've already made up your mind." The last line does cause her to shrug. "I don't know everything, as you mentioned earlier. However I don't know if I can be biased in this situation, much like you told me the other night."
"I couldn't guarantee a lack of balance because a part of me questions the wisdom of my path." Silas frowns, "You're right. My mind is made up, but that doesn't mean I don't value, or appreciate your opinion, Ana. But why would you be unbiased about Jenny and I?"
"Because I can't go back." Morgana says plainly. "Even if I wanted to, I know at this point, what's done is done, decisions have been made and there is little I can do about that. Realizing that, has allowed me to find someone else. Granted, I may be on the rebound still but, he cares for me. I'm not some passing fancy for him, nor am I something to fall back on if what I have doesn't work out. So, that is why I cannot be biased."
And Silas nods, patting the bench next to him, an offering. "And before you found Kaiden. If HE had come back to you, acknowledged not just how but WHY he hurt you, asked your forgiveness, asked for your love back. If he had acknowledged every hurt and scar he left on you… would you have turned him away?"
He sighs, "It's not been that long. Three weeks. Too little time for me to look for someone new. And all of that happened. She didn't come looking for me, but when I found her, our conversation was all those things. She didn't just bat her eyes at me and I came running."
He looks at the ground, "I know there's every possibility I'm going to wind up in that same place again… but damn it, if it doesn't feel like I should try."
Morgana opens her mouth to speak, but closes it. Instead she'll move over to his bench and lean into his side. "I don't know Silas. It's hard, since I really just… Damnit." She's caught, shaking her head at him. "Are you saying I moved too fast? We were both let go around the same time." Frowning she'll look over to him and nods. "I'll just.. I'll be here Sy, in case it doesn't go well. And if it does? You can rub it in my face."
When she comes close, he leans against, almost immediately, "Yes? No? Maybe? Who am I to judge?" He chuckles, if perhaps a wee bit pathetically. And then he responds, "Is it so bad that the knowledge of that is part of the reason I think I can take the risk? Because I know now I have people I can hold on to if I fall again?"
He grunts, he actually grunts, "I didn't realize it was that raw for you, Ana. I'm sorry. I thought… it was something you had been dealing with for some long time." His eyes close, "I value your thoughts, your support, and your friendship, Ana. I still don't have that many friends, and really only have you and Jenny to be open with, and…" he chuckles, "I think you know the rest of that."
Morgana sighs and nods her head. "It's very raw." She admits. "Even now, we both still want to be together so badly but, he made his choice. Now we're struggling to respect that. Being with Kaiden, in part is because it will keep me from… doing something he is going to regret. But it will allow me to move on, it will allow me to not be someones secret, someone's guilt. I get to be the important person, where no one else compares and that is what I want." Clearing her throat she shakes her head.
"That's what friends do. They let you wallow, but are ready to pull you back out." However now she's curious. "No no, do go on. I'm curious to the end of the sentence."
Silas sighs, chuckling now, "And thus you're pretty much the only one I can talk to about my worries about her. And frankly, I only have two people I don't have to play games in front of. I know I was all games and plots when we first started talking, but somewhere along the line that changed. And I could be totally honest with you. You're the only other person I have that with, other than Jenny."
He shrugs, "I don't know what that means. But that's part of why I didn't want our friendship to be a secret, either. Or look clandestine, although it still seems we get to be alone the few times we actually hang out." Another chuckle there.
"Well you have my friendship and my trust Silas. You are one of the few I can talk with, well there is Medusa as well, but there are things I can't talk about with her either." Morgana will let Silas fill in those blanks, that plot they had that seems to be going nowhere. "Well, I don't consider it a secret, at least not now. I mean we've been seen in public places! And this is hardly private now."
Silas nods, "One of these days I'm going to have to find a male friend who isn't trying to get into Jenny's pants. Since I think that having a friend of both genders that you can trust will cover a number of needs." A grin, and a wink at that. "And no… we're still secluded. People don't usually come in here unless they're looking for a quiet place to study, or a good long snog." He pauses, "Usually. The ghosts tend to shuffle through too often for much of the latter."
Then, oddly enough, he offers his scarred hand to her, just leaving it out there. "You asked me earlier why I'm so affectionate. And I gave something of a half-answer. Does it bother you that I am? Understanding that I'm with someone, as are you?"
"Well… uh… you got me. But you found me here, and interrupting all of my snogging." Morgana teases and when the hand is offered, she'll let hers rest on his. "This is actually where I had my first kiss, about a year ago now. It's funny how those thoughts come up." However she shakes my head. "No, it doesn't bother me, I just.. well I was curious. We'd hug but you've been offering more lately, so I was just curious." She'll squeeze his hand a bit. "What's the whole answer Sy?"
Silas chuckles, "That would be at the top of the cliffs, for me." He goes away for a moment with the memory, but returns back easily enough. Then it's back to the question and he nods, "It's… a bit complicated. And frankly, the first time I explained this to Jenny, she thought it was a rather weird way to try to get laid. So I understand that it might sound odd… but bear through it with me, please."
A grin, and then he explains, "I told you about Nanny. Showed her to you. One of the things she was big on was contact. Touch. She made a big point about how as children, we cling to those we love, those we care about, and how the need for human contact, real, skin to skin, touch, was so important. That it's one of the most primal ways we express affection. And then, as children get older, we nearly beat it out of them. We tell them it's wrong, cough physical intimacy only around sex. Until you get to be our age, and if you so much as hold hands with a person, you must share a bed with them. Either gender. But we still need it."
A little bit of a pause, and then he continues. "I really didn't put much thought to it… until the start of my 'experiment'. And in getting close to people, being touched. I… needed it. It's selfish, really, but I realized she was absolutely right." And he goes quiet for a bit… looking to see if she's following him.
"It is a basic human need, that want to feel alive." Morgana gives him a smile, a proper one of course and squeeze his hand. "I was brought up that way. I mean, I hug my Grandparents and my mother is… generous with her hugs but there are no emotions behind it. That and she squeezes too hard. I felt much like you did, having all of that physical closeness ripped away that when I finally felt it again I couldn't get enough. Yeah, it's a little selfish, but if you have people willing to share that with you and have it be platonic than embrace it. Literally." Morgana smiles nudging against him again. "But no, I haven't seen it as you trying to get laid, but than again we've always been clear on where we've stood with each other."
Silas nods, "We have, but I also want you to understand that, for me? There's more to it. I like you, Ana. I see you as a friend. And that means something. Because I don't use that word lightly. I don't use it in that way that I've seen others use it, as a limitation. A 'just'." There's a chuckle there, "It's so silly and limited, because it actually takes and waters down what a friendship can be."
He smiles, and then takes her hand in both of his, "I told you that one of the things I've learned is that love is not simply defined as what there is within a relationship like Jenny and I have. I don't know if you know your Greek… but they had four words for love. Four different kinds. Agape, eros, philia, and storge."
"The important one here, the real explanatory one, is agape. Which is the love between friends. It's that step beyond simply being partners in crime, or people who like each other's company. It's when you love someone selflessly, not because of eros… like I have with Jenny… but because they're there for you, and care for you, as you do for them."
"So yeah. I'm more affectionate with you. More so than with many others. In part because you were consistently there for me, checking on me, and even now, protective of me. Although I still try to have a little bit of that with everyone who will allow me… but, well…" he chuckles, and shakes his head, "I'm out of words. Am I making sense? I don't want you to think that you're 'just' a friend to me."
Morgana listens as Silas starts getting philosophical and raises her brows just a touch. Letting it all sink in, she'll finally nod at him. "You are right, we don't do have a word for people who are more than friends, but not lovers, or family. Perhaps we should make one up." She says lightly, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "I have trouble with love Silas, but maybe learning this.. agape will be good for me. I think I have something similar with Medusa as well, but I'm beginning to feel like she is more of a sister than anything." She admits, still trying to work her way through all of her thoughts.
"I care for you Silas, so yes, I will be a touch protective, because I see you as someone worth defending, if you truly need it. I also haven't had a friendship like this so forgive me if I'm a little shaky with it. But yes, you're making sense, in some way you are."
There was a bit of baited breath as he waited for her reaction, and when her reaction was so simple, but at the same time accepting, any tension there just leaks out of him. Silas then lets out a long sigh, "A really complicated way to tell someone you love them, without having it carry on so many other connotations that it could screw of everything, no? I think we leave a lot at the door by shoving so many complex concepts and emotions into a single word."
And in that moment, the fingers of one hand move to lace with hers, as he continues. "Protectiveness is well and good. We need that in our lives, I think. And I'll be the same for you, should Kaiden, or anyone else for that matter, give me reason to."
Morgana laughs lightly, squeezing his hand as he laces his fingers in hers. Such a simple bit of contact, but the feeling behind it is so much more. "It is a very complicated way to say I love you… what would the phrase be in Greek? Perhaps that is the better way to say it." Morgana smirks. "Though I think some people would use soul-mate, but I don't think it is quite where we're at. Than again that could just be a cheesy line people use."
She gives a bit of a sigh and nods. "So many people are ready to harm poor Kaiden, and we've barely been official for a day. Trust me, I will be the first to harm him, should it come to that. And I cannot promise that if Jenny hurts you again, that I will remain quiet."
There's a moment's thought… it's not a language he speaks technically, but he'd done the research. And in a moment, "S'agapo, Ana. That's the phrase for it. S'agapo. The complication was just in explaining it. And me." And then he laughs, "I hold no ill will, or willingness to hurt him. I doubt I could, anyhow. There are first years who could likely pin me to the ground if they wanted to." Okay, a little self-deprecation there.
Silas smiles then, "I wouldn't ask you to not do so… although at some point, I want the two of you to be there with me, in the same room. Because you're both important to me. And one of the things I want to do is share with her everyone who is there for me. As strange as that may sound."
"S'agapo Sy." Morgana says with a bright smile. "I appreciate the explanation, I mean, I learned something new after all and I never turn that down. Unless it's about plants." Her eyes narrow just a touch, but it fades quickly. "Well yes, Kaiden is fit. Very fit. Oh so very fit." For a moment, her eyes go out of focus as her mind wanders elsewhere.
"So long as she is good to you, I am more than willing to spend time with the both of you. There was a reason I called you over today, I wanted you and Kaiden to interact. I have someone in my life that people don't dislike. Maybe the four of us can do something together? You know, if it goes that way. If not than… well I'll have my words with her." She says with a sly grin.
Squeezing her hand lightly, Silas says, "I'm glad you came to a decision, and that you are happy with it. You deserve that happiness. And I expect he'll deserve it in kind. Although there is nothing wrong with not being entirely athletic, you know." A slight grin at this, and then he goes on.
"I would like that. I'll see if she's agreeable…" He grins, "Once I know for certain just /what/ we are. Like I said, that's still in the air, and I'm not going to press her for a definition so soon. But once I know… we should."
"I am hoping to realize that soon. That I deserve that happiness. Though I have a feeling that my biggest challenge will be dispelling the rumors my boyfriend were started about him years ago." Morgana smirks and nods her head, reaching over to poke him in the stomach. "No, there is nothing wrong with it at all. I just happen to really appreciate it when it's there." Morgana nods her head to Silas. "Not pressing her is good, Kaiden almost got to that point but, I wasn't great at explaining why I wasn't ready. It's not like I could tell him everything after all." She says with a shrug.
Laying his own head atop the one still on his shoulder, Silas sighs again, smiling brightly, "You will. And…rumors? I at least know of none. Other than that he's a Sykes, and, well… I still feel for his family to this day." But that's it.
"With her, I'm just going to let it be what it is. Even if that means casual, and just being best friends again, and someday falling for someone else. Or if it means I'm finally the fire. Or not." He laughs, "I'm a bit hopeless, if I'm honest with myself. We'll see."
And then there's the last bit, "One day, you will, Ana. At least I hope so. As much as I hope that I will one day be able to share everything with her. That's so important."
"Well he has always been seen as this play boy, I think." Morgana says with a shrug. "It was one of my reservations when he started bringing up courtship." She'll squeeze his hand and close her eyes for a moment. "Yes, which ever works for you. I don't know about you being the fire, but… give her time, that's probably what she needs. I'd would make sure you're not going to be just a rebound thing, give her some space to think it over and such." Sighing she nods her head. "I will tell him, all of it, one day. For now…"
"A playboy… actually using the term courtship. At best, he may have simply been figuring out his interests." Silas chuckles. "The thought just seems silly. But I can understand where you would be worried there."
He then pauses, "Will he be okay with me? I mean… I pose him no threat. But I know how men in new relationships can be jealous. Especially with closeness."
"Honestly he really wasn't. Sure he's snogged some people, but he wasn't sleeping around as much as I thought he was. So that was a relief. We're on equal footing." When he asks about that, Morgana shrugs. "I'll talk to him about it, but I don't think he's that insecure about us. Either way, you're more than my friend, he's just going to have to accept it. It's not like we're snogging."
"More's the pity," Silas responds with a truly mournful tone, before the snort that follows shortly after. "I'll bet you're not half bad at it, either. Frankly, I hope that, since he's close to you, I'll be able to call him friend one day as well." Because one can't have too many friends.
"Apparently my kisses are addictive, at least that's what I've gathered with my research." Morgana says slyly. "Well maybe one day, if neither of us are spoken for, we can experiment with that. For now you'll just have to imagine it." Smiling she squeezes his hand again. "I hope that as well." Looking at the time, she seems a bit reluctant, but her stomach finally protests. "I think we should probably get to dinner."