(1940-06-04) Letters - June
Details for Letters - june
Summary: Correspondence between Katie and Gavin.
Date: June 1940
Location: Wherever they each happen to be.

4 June 1940

My Funny Sweetheart,

You made me laugh with the Hutchiphant. Also with Millamy. Poor Earnest, pining for a bird who's name he's not even sure of. What if she has a positively wretched personality? Not that any of my friends do, but he should be careful with his heart, the dear boy. Am working on getting a photo of us all together so that I can label everyone and ease poor Earnest's mind.

We had a lovely time at the zoo. The elephants have been shipped away to safer places, my silly boy, we adopted dormice. Perhaps we can call them Hutchmice? Or dorhutches? It just doesn't have the ring of Hutchiphant, sadly. I suppose I'll leave the naming of things to clever you.

Did you ever wonder why it seems acceptable for blokes to have 'relations' before marriage, but girls are thought to be tarts if they do? Why should you lot not save yourselves as well? Not that it matters if you have or haven't, I'm in love with all that you are, not all that you've done. (Or haven't done.) But it does seem a bit of a double standard. If girls are supposed to wait, then who are the men supposed to have relations with? I find it all very suspect. At any rate, I can't see that I'd be missing anything if you were to be the only one to know my kisses. Yours are the sweetest I could ever hope to know.

I would be very proud of you if you got a promotion, as would your mother I've no doubt, but I wouldn't be any less proud if you decided that you are happy just as you are. There's nothing to prove to me, I already love you and know that you're wonderful. A pay raise isn't the most important thing in the world, being happy and satisfied with what you do is. There are people who sniff at me just working at Da's chippy, those that have said I have a better brain than is needed there, but it makes me happy to help my family. I don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself, and neither do you. If you are happy, then I am happy, and I would never love you any less for it. There won't be a murmur of this to your mum, or to mine either. I'll not have you doing something only because of the expectations of someone else.

I won't try and get you to spill about what you have planned for my birthday. But know this, Gavin Ferguson, that if I didn't have to try to do so by letter I would be relentless in my efforts to break your resolve. I know, however, that things are far less effective in this mode of communication, so you are off the hook for now. But you're very sure you don't want to tell me anyway?

I miss you. All I have to do is close my eyes for a second, and your smile, your voice, fill my head. I love you.


June 12th, 1940


I rather like Dorhutches. It seems rather odd to me that of all the things to adopt at a Zoo, it's animals you'd think would be fed to the residence of the Zoo. You'd think they'd have something I don't know a bit more exotic than mice to adopt. But none the less, it is very sweet that you have adopted them and visit them.

The only thing that I will disclose is that I have made arrangements with your mother. You two will go shopping when it's most convenient and get yourself something nice to wear on your birthday. I want you to promise me that you will get what you want and not look at the price tag and simply let your mother handle all of that. Promise me.

I am sorry that it's taken me so long to write back. But I am all settled in now. I have some sad news, it's just the three of us now. Earnest, Dump and me. I never ever dreamed I would acknowledge this, but I miss Hutch's stinking feet. Having my own room now, it just seems rather lonely after so long in the bunks. We're close together, Dump is actually my neighbor with Earn a few doors down across the hall. I can't really write what the saddest part of the news is. Just pray for Hutch and the other boys with me. It's too early to know if this thing they have us doing is going to really work. We will see I suppose, I for one am excited about it.

Not as excited that your birthday is ever getting closer. That is always on my mind. Planning, plotting and hoping I don't mangle it.

As for the double standard… I shall say that the ladies of the night have to make a wage some how. I try personally not to cast a bad look towards anyone that does what they wish with their body. I think that there's plenty of guys and girls that have sex, they just keep it private. I think that's what is required. Britain doesn't care unless they know about it. For a country that once claimed the girls from my country on their wedding night, they've sure turned into a bunch of prudes. God Bless Queen Victoria!

Will you tell me about the dress that you bought? Knowing you however I am certain that you will hold the description in a counter hostage for information on what else we are doing. I will just remind you Miss Hind that I have relinquished some information. It would be diplomatic for you to do the same and then we will be even and I can get back to keeping the rest secret.

Be kind,

15 June 1940

Darling Gavin,

I am gutted to hear of everyone having been shipped out. Jack got a letter from Dump just yesterday, saying about the same as you have. We will all miss them coming into the shop so very much, and I know there are a few Jack will keep up correspondence with. Now and then I will drop a note in with his letters, just to remind the lads that we'll take good care of the chippy until they're back home with us. We will all pray for them every night. It scares me, Gavs, to know that on the order of the King you could be whisked away from me. I try not to dwell on it, you're here right now and that's what matters most, but when news of this sort comes I can't help it. I can't wait to look into your eyes again, and hear you say the words.

Mum and I have talked about shopping and will likely take some time to go this week. Everyone is keeping secrets from me, and I only hope that they're good ones. I shall think about how much I will tell you about what I buy. It would be cruel to leave you in too much suspense, but I'm not forgetting that you are keeping much more from me. It's only fortunate that I love you so very much that I am willing even to forgive you this.

Of course there are more exotic animals to adopt at the zoo, but they're more expensive. We do have to stay to our Jack's budget, after all. If you got a rise in rank, and the pay that accompanies, we, as in you and me, could adopt a sealion. But, I am quite happy with my dormouse.

Counting the days, until my birthday and seeing you again. What a treat it will be! Until I'm in your arms again, I remain,

Your Katie

June 20th, 1940


I want you to know, that the only secrets I will ever keep from you are only of the good kind. Below are my only 'secrets' and that's only because I've not had the chance to tell you about them yet. So here they are, all my secrets revealed:

Secret #1) I was in the King's Cross Bombing. I lost my hearing for a little over a day and a good man died with my hands practically in his chest. That is why I was a touch on the distracted side when we were there on our way to Scotland. I didn't want to ruin a date then, but I want you to realize I don't keep secrets from you. I find it sad that the only 'action' I have seen since joining up wasn't against the Nazi like expected, it was with a people that I hold no grudge for. I understand their plight I just do not agree with their message delivery. Thankfully it seems like the worst of the S-Plan is over.

Secret #2) As you know, I was a bit of a ned back in Glasgow. I didn't have a father figure so I did what I thought I had to do to take care of myself and my mother. The things I did I am not proud of, that life ended for me when the Lady of the estate found me stealing from one of their rooms that was all sheets and unused for a century. She is the reason why I went to Cambridge. It was her belief that if I was well educated that I wouldn't have to make such bad decisions. So it was a choice I had to make, Prison or Cambridge. As you can guess, I chose the full ride she provided to Cambridge.

Secret #3) The 'bad relationship' that I mention feeling a kinship to your friend with bad taste in men (until I met you!) about is a tricky one and I am ashamed of myself for what I did during it. My last real girlfriend got herself 'in the way'. The thing is, we hadn't gotten to that stage of things. I am ashamed to say that I did the same sort of things I did before Cambridge to raise the money so she could pay the doctor to have things 'taken care of'. Again, I don't agree with that procedure. But she needed my help and I did what I thought would make her happy. After the money was spent I got found out and was offered another choice, Army or Prison. Again I'm sure it's clear which of the two I chose. She got very depressed afterwards and blamed me for it and left me. News is she's with the guy that did the deed and they are expecting soon.

The Army was the best thing to ever happen to me before you came along. I hope you know that I am a different person now. I will still do whatever I can to help someone that I care about, so long as it is lawful. I must admit that there is one thing I still might be tempted to do that's not exactly the best thing for me if I were taken too far away from you. So here is hoping that I won't be.

I would have rather have told you these secret in person. But I wanted you to know the history of those eyes that you'll be looking into when I tell you just how deeply I feel about you the next time I have you in my arm. If those secrets are too much for you. I will heartbrokenly understand and hope that we can be friends still. I have paid my piper and learned my lessons, I promise you. I have not been keeping these from you because I wanted to, they just haven't come up during the wonderful precious little time we have together.

These are my only secrets, and they were never intentionally secrets from you.

I hope you still feel the same way about me,
Your Monkey with a Shady Past.

24 June 1940

Dearest Gavin,

How can I possibly feel the same about you, knowing these things now? To know that you've faced such challenges and yet you're the wonderful man you are today, I can't help but love you more. Everything that happened in the past is just that, in the past. I wish you could have told me in person as well, so that I could say these words looking into your beautiful blue eyes. You've made bad decisions and you've made good decisions, that's how life is. If you'd have done anything differently, you wouldn't likely be MY Gavin today. Everything that has happened has put us both exactly where we are, in each other's lives. I wouldn't change anything about you, not a single thing. Well, perhaps one thing, since I feel we would have still landed here if you hadn't been at King's Cross.

I have even more respect and affection for your mum's Lady now than ever. I always knew that she must be someone special from your mother's devotion to her. To see you educated rather than punished for foolish choices makes her about the smartest woman in the world to me, and the kindest. Clearly she saw the potential in you to be better, and I will be eternally grateful to her for that.

I cannot even think unkindly about your ex-girlfriend. Well, a little. It was awful of her to take advantage of your kind if sometimes misguided heart. I will never ask you to do anything dishonest for me, I promise that on my very life, and I will never take advantage of you. How she could blame you for anything after you were thinking only of her and not of the consequences you would face yourself is beyond my ken. But, selfishly, I am glad that she did. If she had been any different of a person, I would again have never known you and never fallen in love with you. As grudgingly as I might admit, I owe her gratitude as well.

Let me tell you what I see in you. I see a man who hasn't lived a perfect life, but is willing to admit that and face whatever comes of not pretending to be something he wasn't. I see a man who was kind to me, and willing to be my friend when I thought I might be meant for another. I see a man who was my first kiss, and gave me a memory to always treasure. Always. I see a man who has never ever made me feel that I ought to do things that I might not have been ready for. I see you, and I love you for everything you were and everything you have become.

I cannot bear to hold you in suspense of what I've bought to wear on my birthday. Mum and I found the most beautiful dress, in a lovely green and cream print. It has a v-neckline and little cap sleeves for the warm weather. It's the perfect length and I feel beautiful in it. I cannot wait for you to see me in it. Mostly because it means we will be seeing each other, and I miss you more than ever.

I love you, have no doubt about that. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing before I fall asleep every night. You make me feel happy, and loved, and blessed to have been found by you. I thank God every night for putting you in my life and beg Him to keep you safe.

Not long at all now before I will be in your arms, and yet it will be an eternity.

I love you, Gavin Ferguson. So very much.

Until the end of time,
Your Katie

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