(2012-10-06) Why Sloan's player needs constant Caffeine IV
Details for Why Sloan's Player should never talk to people before caffeine
Summary: Text conversation Between Sloan's Player and Keenan's. The running Joke being that sloan's player is actually a spy.
Date: 2012-10-06
Location: N/A
Related: None

K: I'm sitting back in front of Mr. Froggy again

S: How is Agent Froggy?

K: Twitchy as Ever

S: Yeah. Shame we had to let him go. Be careful we got intel that he was doing intel work for White Supremacist groups. Which is odd, because he isn't white.

K: Makes him harder to finger.

S: True, but on the other hand. What a twit!

K: Since you let him go, Obviously.

S: Well we had to! He kept sauntering up to female agents and saying things like "Hey Baby Did you know I can hit a moving bullseye with my tongue 5 inches away?" While waggling his eyebrows! The saunter was bad enough. But the glue on Groucho Marx eyebrows? It was too much, he had to go.

K: In other words you had Bob the Skull in Froggy form?

S: I wish. Bob the skull didn't knock up our best Australian field agent and run away singing "Don't fence me In." when she told him. Poor Agent Gecko. Bastard knew 4 of her brothers had been killed investigating a counterfeit barbed wire fence ring the year before too.

K: Man. I am disappointed in your potential employee screening procedures.

S: To be honest? me too. He made it through most of the screening process masquerading as a Expatriate fluent in Swahili and Cantonese. It wasn't until someone noticed his odd style of eating donuts that we were tipped off that something was wrong with his cover sto When we asked the screener, he replied "Yeah, I thought something was a little strange when I offered him a glass of water and he swam a lap in the pitcher, but I didn't want to say anything incase I was being racially insensitive." To which I replied "Agent Kovgorod, YOU are Russian. Do you ever jump in a pitcher of water and do the backstroke?" He said "It was the Breast stroke actually, and he claimed to be from the north. Bit odd in the North." I really couldn't argue with that.

K: You should know better by now, Instinct trumps Racial sensitivity. I am now disappointed in you.

S: "I wasn;t doing the screening, I just works with what I gets. though I tell you, we won't make the mistake of hiring a second "Agent Mole" That was a disaster.

K: As long as he doesn't have a long, pink nose and night vision goggles, you should be alright.

S: No, she was 5'3" Blonde with Green eyes. She convinced my superiors that "Double Agent" just meant she was super-good. I mean, she put it RIGHT ON HER RESUME! We got lucky thoughm she was working for Popeyes Chicken and was supposed to infiltrate KFC not the CI….ohhhhh…Almost gave away who I'm working for. You're sneaky."

K: *Smirks* I'm getting closer. You're going to give it all away someday. Why not just spill it? you'll feel so much better when the need for Subterfuge is gone.

S: I fail to see how spending hours with Agent Chompy, our resident torturer translates into "Feeling much better." You know, come to think of it, maybe I'm just a constantly hallucinating Zookeeper.

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