(2012-10-10) Ramblin' Sloan
Details for Ramblin' Sloan
Summary: An incredibly sleep deprived Sloan (three hours or less of sleep) tries to puzzle out a horse drawn trumpet from his dream and ends up going all over creation (literally) and back. Sloan is actually eagerly awaiting this log, because he can't remember anything but the horse drawn trumpet, which actually played a relatively minor role in the rambling.
Date: 2012-10-10
Location: N/A

I only put myself in because there are two tiny points at which I contribute, but it's 90 percent Sloan.
I bring you in right after he's mentioned the horse drawn trumpet, and has been silent a few moments puzzling on it.

Sloan : I love my blanket. It's a nice blanket. Keeps me warm, and it doesn't have sleeves like those ridiculous snuggies.
Have you seen that commercial for the snuggie? That lady would die in a house fire.

Keenan : *choked laugh*

Sloan : What? Have you seen her? She's incapable of unfolding the blanket to make it her cover her feet and the rest of her? She's trying to use a tea towel. "(announcer voice) Are you tired of blankets that aren't big enough to cover yourself?" Stop trying to cover yourself with your damn tea towels! And then! She's trying to get her arms out and she's going like this *mimes jerking back and forth to try and get out of a cocoon* Just unwrap yourself, you idiot!
She's as bad as that lady who can't cut a tomato.
She mashes it with her knuckles, then tries to cut it with the wrong side of the knife.
Infomericals are insulting. Who believes in them?
Except that one lady that says "I am so tired of being unable to unwrap my blanket to answer the phone, or get my remote to change the channel for more infomercials. It's been four days, why won't someone help me?"
Then her handlers tell her, "that's because you're wearing a straight jacket."
"Oh, that's why you decorated with padded walls. That rubber wallpaper is a nice touch."
Oooooh… you know, rubber wallpaper would be a cool product.
(Announcer voice) Parents, are you tired of your kids running into walls? Are you tired of having your grandmother fall down and hearing,

Keenan and Sloan in unison : "Help I've fallen, and I can't get up."?

Sloan : (announcer voice) then you need rubber wall paper!

At this point, Sloan sings some song about kids bouncing down the stairs. It was only half intelligible, so I couldn't transcribe it… plus I was trying to keep up as best I could…

Sloan : No, that's too silly. You don't put wallpaper on stairs. (back to announcer voice) Buy one now and get a free horse drawn trumpet.
(regular voice) That's so silly, who needs a horse drawn trumpet? Not only are the horses impractical, but who needs a trumpet four stories tall? A bugle maybe.
Oh, a giant beagle.
I think people are going the wrong way with dogs. They're trying to miniaturize, they should work on gigantism.
I want a giant beagle. I would slap a saddle on it and ride it into town, because it would be faster than a horse, eh.
And if it started raining, I could just stand under its ear.
Oooooh! A giant basset hound. Cause they have those huge, floppy ears. I'd name him "Tiny".
Problem with basset hounds is that they when get tired, they just stop and lay down. That would be bad if he got tired in the middle of the road.
They would call me and say, "Dude, Tiny's blocking up the interstate again."
"He must have gotten tired. And don't call me dude, you think I'm the Big Lebowski? I'm not."
"Whatever, just come get your dog."

There was a little bit of silence for me to catch up on typing.

Sloan : The first person that made a giant chihuahua I would shoot in the foot and feed him to his a dog.
No one should make a giant chihuahua.
I thought about making a giant mini pinscher, but then realized it would just be a doberman pinscher… ooooooh, a giant Corgi.
That. Would be sooo cool!
It would look like a luck dragon. (Something about indistinguishible feet and the weiner dog aspect when enlarged that again was barely intelligible).
We're going to hell, you and I.

Keenan : We are? I know you are, but why am I?

Sloan : Pfft. Thanks. No, for starting this OOC log thing.

Here he relates a couple of them. He enjoyed the paincakes with Seamus (It was Kaiden, actually. — SeanCee) and SeanCee. At about this time I told him to go back to sleep for the tenth time, and he nodded.

Sloan : I think about going to sleep and I hear… "Good morning Agent (Sloan), your mission, should you choose to accept. There is a couch. Three feet away. You mission- is to infiltrate this couch, lay down upon it, and watch movies on the back of your eyelids. This message will self destruct in 5 seconds." Which really worries me, because the message is IN MY HEAD!"

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